You know what’s missing from today’s video game line-up? More games involving a sadistic looking child who moves faster than a hamster on PCP and defeats his enemies by kicking footballs at them. So you can imagine my utter joy then when I discovered that the SNES has a title just like this, dubbed The Adventures of Kid Kleets/Soccer Kid. You can also imagine the sheer hate and vitriol that spewed forth after about 5 minutes of trying to play it.
Playing as a small child who’s name I neither know nor give a shit about, you journey across the world to save the world cup from aliens. Probably. Perhaps. I have no real idea. You can kick a football at some random nonsensical bad guys (including an old man on a motorbike and a mechanic who launches wrenches at your face like Patches O’Houlihan) but doing so makes the game incredibly difficult. I found a better method, however, which is to ignore the entire mechanics of the game and just run to end of each level.
Now, I would never call a game broken, but when the very mechanic that the game is built around makes the game stupidly difficult and is totally pointless, you have to question the mentality of the developers.
I have to add that I have not finished this title. I also have to add that I would rather stick my genitals inside a bees nest while dressed like Winnie the Pooh than play through this game in its god-awful entirety.