Unless you’ve been living on the ice planet Hoth for the past while, you’ve probably heard that Disney have acquired the rights to the Star Wars franchise. Since doing so, they have laid off the LucasArts team, shut down the in-house studio and sold the exclusive right to produce Star Wars games to EA.
EA have got a few studios at their disposal, including BioWare, DICE and Visceral Games to name a few. So, in a bid to keep things fresh and funky, we’d like to offer up a few suggestions to EA for future titles. You’re welcome, EA.
5) Need For Speeder Bike
Need For Speed: Most Wanted is a hell of a lot of fun, with Criterion bringing the balls to the wall, throttle-it-and-hope play of Burnout into the NFS series. Now let’s throw in some speederbikes and maybe a podracer or two! Oh, it’s all ruined.
In fairness, trying to knock up a decent Star Wars racing title is a lot like trying to build IKEA flatpack whilst high as a kite on acid. It sounds like a good laugh and while you’re building it, it’s all pretty colours and good times, but ultimately you’re left with a shoddy bit of kit that’s not fit for purpose and a conviction for Class A possession.
I may have got a bit confused towards the end there but I stand by it. Nevertheless, whizzing about on a speederbike? Good times.
4) Battlefield: Moon of Endor
The Battlefield series offers a realistic and immersive multiplayer combat experience, with glorious graphics, massive customisation and a huge array of weaponry. The Ewoks offers furry midgets wearing what looks a lot like scraps of other furry midgets, with lots of trees and a couple of pointy sticks. Mind you, the theme tune to the cartoon was kind of badass.
Throw the two together and what have you got? I’m not sure, but I think we should kill it before it’s allowed to reproduce. In all seriousness, a multiplayer FPS set in the forest landscape of Endor could be a lot of fun, especially if you get to plow laser rounds into Wicket and his hairy brethren. Inevitably, the same year would see a similar title from the MOH series, titled Medal Of Endor.
3) Cantina Band
LOUD, OBNOXIOUS NARRATOR: “Do you like Star Wars!? Do you like Rock Band!? Well hang on to your socks because we are about to blow them clean off of your feet with all new CANTINA BAND!”
Image of Cantina Band box art spins up to the screen. Fade to bored looking teens listlessly fiddling with assorted household objects.
NARRATOR: “Don’t just sit there listlessly fiddling with assorted household objects! Cantina Band is here!”
Flash of light, bored teens are now smiling and holding slightly dodgy plastic replicas of the instruments from the Cantina scene.
NARRATOR: “Cantina Band comes with a playlist of one song. The Cantina song! Which you can play again and again and again and again! AND AGAIN!”
Come on, you know you’d play the hell out of that! Doo doo doo dee doo da doo, da na na na na na naaaa na.
2) The Siths
You’re fooling around with your Sims world and you put a rug too close to the fire. Before you know it, the house is ablaze and you’re desperately trying to save your lovingly raised Sims from the flames. But then a tiny part of you wonders what would happen with more rugs, more fire and no doors in the house. We’ve all done it. For those of us…I mean, you…who actually built that death trap, here comes The Siths.
A lot like The Sims, but with more of a focus on evil, The Siths offers realistic world sim options including “Design A Death Star”, the ability to train your Siths in the ways of the dark side and some really delightful decor options, such as lamps made of Jawa skin, Wookie floor rugs and the ever popular Scrapped R-Series Droid Pedal Bins(TM).
1) Darth Space
Having spent a fair amount of time tottering about space stations and with a panache for crushing enemies without having to use a pair of Doc Martens, a Dead Space crossover featuring the Sith Lord himself is a must-have title in the new EA/Star Wars collaboration.
In Darth Space, Vader finds himself on yet another Death Star (will they ever learn) that has been dominated by the re-animated corpses of the thousands of Stormtroopers, officers and kitchen staff that were killed in the previous constructions. He’s even already got a badass suit and mask. If any of these games need to happen, it’s this one.