Back in November of 2011, Silicon Knights were ordered by the court to recall and destroy all existing copies of several of their titles, including Too Human. This was due to a dispute between Silicon and Epic over licensing of the Unreal Engine and not, you’ll be surprised to hear, because Too Human was so bloody awful.

OK, it’s possible that I’m being a tad unfair. After all, one man’s “ARGH FIRE IT INTO THE SUN” is another man’s Game Of The Year. Just because playing Too Human made me want to smash my head against hard objects until I removed all trace of it from my memory, doesn’t make it a bad game. Either way, if you find yourself with a few extra copies of Too Human or whatever game you particularly loathe, here are some alternative uses for those game discs.

5) Coasters

Simple but effective as you must agree that a DVD does make a lovely coaster. Mind you, why stop there? You could have a lovely line of Too Human saucers, small snack plates, even small bowls with a bit of melting and shaping. I grant you, you wouldn’t want to try eating soup out of them, what with the hole in the middle, but you could certainly use it for large pieces of pot pourri or sweets and snacks over 2cm in width.

If you fancy giving this a go, check out this simply fabulous WikiHow piece. My favourite part is “For a more classy look, draw, paint or leave the CD blank”. So, “more classy” equates to “do whatever you want, I don’t care. God, I don’t know why I’m writing this arts and crafts drivel. I HAD A SHORT STORY PUBLISHED IN MY COLLEGE NEWSPAPER DAMN IT!!!

4) Transportation

That’s a freaking hovercraft! OK, it’s a little small, but there are THOUSANDS of unwanted, pre-owned titles out there and balloons are a dime a dozen. So round up those dusty disks, buy yourself a hundred weight of colourful balloons and ask your mum if you can borrow the ironing board because if you think along the same lines as me, you’re currently picturing re-enacting some Back to the Future hoverboard action.

Just be careful to watch out for truck fulls of horse manure, timeline altering almanacs and mothers who like to get frisky with strangers that their Dad hit with the car. Time travel is no laughing matter, folks. Just ask Marty McFly.

3) Holy deadly frisbee, Batman!

This ought to be the number one option, really. CDs and DVDs make fantastic frisbees, I first learned this after “disposing of” my sister’s Blazing Squad album in the heady days of my youth. This way, although you’ve been denied the fun of gaming, you can still enjoy a nice round of frisbee.

There are plenty of iconic characters who have used some form of deadly frisbee. Hayden Tenno from Dark Sector, Tira from Soul Calibur and not to forget Xena: Warrior Princess. Of course, if you want to take it to the next level, you can sharpen the edges and become Disk-o, the dark, disc-related death dealing vigilante warrior! Disk-o! I…c’mon. Disk-o? Yeah maybe not.

2) Make a goddamn dragon

Redditor Amon-a-boat made a dragon out of broken CDs. That’s all I’m going to say for now until you’ve had time to absorb the sheer awesomeness.

Ok, that’s enough time. IT’S A DRAGON! The work that’s gone into this is truly amazing, it looks fantastic, it’s a great way to use old disks and OH MY GOD IT’S A DRAGON! Amon-a-boat put his disk dragon up for sale on Ebay, where it netted a nifty $260. Mind you, he’d probably have got more selling all those CD’s on Music Magpie but, in case you hadn’t noticed, IT’S A DRAGON!

1) Burn baby, burn!

Good morning class. Today, we will discuss Archimedes and the frankly badass way in which he burned a load of ships with some mirrors. If you’ve not studied your ancient history, it has been said that Archimedes harnessed the power of the sun, through the use of a parabolic mirror, to burn enemy ships as they advances.

Though the jury is still out on how much truth there is in this, we can’t help but think that a couple hundred copies of Too Human would let you rig up a reflective death ray that should at least be sufficient to hold small countries to ransom.

For the record, we at StickTwiddlers absolutely DO NOT advocate the building of death rays or world domination, unless it’s us doing it. So, send your unwanted game disks to the usual address and if it’s not too much trouble, go ahead and bow down before your new masters.

What games past and present do you think deserve to serve a higher purpose than dirtying our games consoles and PCs? Let us know in comments below or hit us up on Twitter.

1 comments
Kt
Kt

IT'S A GODDAMN DRAGON! I want that dragon. my brother and I used old AOL free trial CDs for BB gun practice when we were kids, or put them in the microwave. This took me back to the good old days...

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