Inspired by Alan’s descent into madness as he plumbs the murky depths of World of Warcraft, I too have found myself immersed in the MMORPG world of late. As you can imagine, I was thrilled to the point of pant-wetting to discover that the game had achievements. So, though this weeks AP will do nothing for your gamerscore, it will mark my first and quite possibly only attempt at Puntin’ in Azeroth.
A few days ago, my brother-in-law and I dived into the wonderful world of WoW dungeoneering. A huge fan of 90’s children show Knightmare, I was saddened when I discovered that this would not involve donning a vision obscuring helmet and following the obstructions of pimply, ridiculously dressed teens. Still, a spot of co-op hackin’ and slashin’ sounded like fun so we queued up in the Dungeon Finder and waited for a team to gather.
We waited. We waited longer. We waited some more. we hung around, we loitered, we procrastinated and we beat around the bush. Finally, just as I was thinking it was the perfect time to nip off for a toilet break, we entered the dungeon. So, writhing in discomfort as my bladder began to swell to gargantuan proportions, I found myself entering the terrifying depths of our first dungeon.
No sooner had I arrived in the damp and dreary dungeon than I entered a spirited discussion with my stalwart teammates. It went something like this:
ME: “Ho there, fellow dungeoneers!”
TANK: “OMG STFU! JUST FOLLOW ME K?! FRAKKIN’ NOOBS!”
HEALER: “I’ll be over here if you need me, miles from you and of no actual use”
ME: “Why would you…”
TANK: “OMFG ROFL NOOBZ FOLLOW TANK!”
ME: “I am following you, I was just wondering if…”
TANK: “OMFG STFU LOL FFS!”
ME: “You’re speaking in tongues. Should I fetch a priest?”
HEALER: “I’m lost. You guys are good without me right?”
ME: “Well, you’re kind of an integral part of…”
HEALER HAS LEFT THE GROUP
ME: “Son of a bitch.”
TANK: “STFU NOOB DPS ROFL BBQ!!!”
TANK HAS EXPLODED WITH RAGE…AND LEFT THE GROUP
ME: “Oh. Crap.”
ME HAS BEEN BRUTALLY GANG-BUGGERED BY SPIDER THINGS WITH SPIKES ON
On my second attempt, the Tank decided to pull every enemy in the cave, despite the fact that our Healer had died in some kind of freak fall. We all died, Tank screamed a string of expletives and rage quit. I got the blame.
Third attempt, the Healer muttered something about making a sandwich, Tank disappeared into the caves and I was the only Warrior. I got the blame.
It’s become clear to me that the lowest level player in World of Warcraft gets the blame, irrespective of actual wrongdoing. So, here is my advice to you folks. Play with friends or prepare for a self esteem crushing stream of abuse. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go cry in a corner for an hour.
Check out Jamie’s previous Achievement Punting escapades as he puts his sanity to the test each week by clicking here.