One day, through an incident which did NOT involve me pratting about with my disk copy of Skweek for the Amiga 500+ whilst eating doughnuts (no matter what my mother says), some sugary particles may have found their way into the disk. Instead of ending my beloved ball of lint adventures, this resulted in a glitch which catapulted me to random levels instead of progressing through in order.
Lo, my love of whacky gaming glitchery was born. So, it is with great pleasure, mild fear and slight nausea that I present to you the StickTwiddlers Top 10 Crazy Gaming Glitches!
10) “I’ve Fallen And I Can’t Get Up” – Constant Crawling In Ghost Recon Future Soldier
A glitch which prevented me completing a level until I had restarted three times, the constant crawling AI is actually quite amusing to watch. At least, until you start to wonder if this is really a glitch. Maybe 30K is suffering some post traumatic stress syndrome?
“They can’t hurt me down here. Safe down here”, “30, get up dude”, “NO! Floor is safe. The bad ones. The bad ones get you when you stand”. Poor sap.
9) “Wendy, I Can Die!” – GTA IV Swingset Glitch
If you’ve got GTA IV, you’re going to have to try this one out. Find yourself a swingset, apparently many of the swings around Liberty City will work for the glitch although those in the Firefly Projects playgrounds are particularly known for it. Drive a car gently into the swings, pushing against them and then…SPROING! Kiss your ass goodbye.
8) “You Think This Is Impressive? Watch Me Turn Water Into Sugar Cubes” – Jesus Horse In Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood
The horses in Assassin’s Creed : Brotherhood are direct descendants of Jesus Christ himself. Well, so Dan Brown told me and I stand by it. Check out this glitch with ol’ Dobbin showing off his Messianic powers.
7) “Mamma Mia. Armageddon, She Come!” – Breaking The World In Super Mario 64
Good old SM64. A fine Mario title, but somewhat renowned for clipping issues. On one level, you can drag poor Mario through a wooden bridge by doing little more than crouching and shuffling about. On a another, it’s possible to drop through water, through the floor and out of the world, swimming around in the sky like some hideous hybrid mess of bird, fish and Ron Jeremy. Best of all, there was this little beauty, which pretty much just screws the world.
6) “Extend Your Neck – FOR SCIENCE!” – The Halo 2 Neck Stretch
Personally, I don’t think any list of freaky glitching would be complete without the infamous Halo 2 neck stretch. A result of the Spartan programme’s failed experimentation with human/giraffe cross breeding, it’s just horrible to look at. Why are dead bodies never this much fun to play with in real life, huh?
5) “Lydia, Hulk Think Him Need Some Space” – Giant Smash In Skyrim
Within about half an hour of firing up Skyrim for the first time, I met a giant. It was my own fault, I went off wandering without knowing what to expect. That giant, following something of a disagreement as to whether or not I should fire arrows at his mammoth, punched me down a mountain. T’was frustrating and a little amusing, but this is just freaking hilarious.
4) “Try My All-New Acid Bath Skin Treatment And Look Just Like Me!” – Gore Princess From Fallout 3
Fallout players will doubtless remember prim and prissy Angela, better known as Princess. If ever you’d harboured any resentment towards Princess, I think it’s fair to say that this glitch will go some way to making you feel a little more kindly disposed towards her, given that the poor tyke is clearly a failed medical experiment.
3) “What’s The Point In Anything If I Can’t Get The Hang Of Instagram?!” – Suicidal Photographer In GTA San Andreas
I’m not one hundred percent sure whether this is a glitch or one of the wierdest easter eggs out there. Either way, it’s creepy as hell. In the wonderful world of GTA San Andreas you’ll sometimes find a photographer taking pictures of a lake. Then, well just watch the video, which is made all the more terrifying by the fact that this chap’s world seems to have spawned an old lady as the photographer. Look at her, she clearly lives in a gingerbread house and eats kids…
2) “Elementary, My DEAR LORD, WHY!?!” – Creepy Watson In Sherlock Holmes
Ah, Watson. Stalwart companion of Sherlock Holmes, experienced physician, terrifying spectre, wait, what? Check out this video from 2007 title, Sherlock Holmes Nemesis and witness the horror as Watson, clearly killed during a previous case, stalks Holmes from beyond the grave. “I’ll never leave you Holmes. Never.”
1) “Congratulations, it’s an abomination” – The Sims 3 Creepy Baby
Kids are cute, huh? Shuffling about on all fours. Tumbling around, trying to find their feet as they learn to walk. Grotesquely developing spaghetti limbs and shambling about the house like some Lovecraftian nightmare. Ah, the beauty of youth.